Things I Almost Remember
by redeemthefallen
Summary: Neil's retelling of Zigeunerweisen


Neil opened his eyes slowly, taking in his hazy surroundings with a great yawn. The man rubbed the early morning sleepiness from his tired eyes before pushing himself up in his bed and rolling his shoulders to work the stiffness from them. He took notice of the rising sun as he gradually shifted to rest his feet on the floor, the sky just beginning its everyday process of bleeding deep rivulets of pinks, reds, yellows and oranges. A smile slowly crept to his lips before he rubbed his moustache and got up from his bed. The man quickly dressed, his mind fairly empty by the time he had his house coat on and his shoes tied. Neil stepped to the mirror and combed his hair precisely before glancing once more out the window and leaning against the frame, feeling a deep sense of anxiety. He had hired a private investigator almost a week before and hadn't heard from him in two days. Needless to say, Neil was beginning to get apprehensive.

He shook the thought off with a quiet smile before turning and leaving the room to go to breakfast. Neil rubbed a hand across his eyes before stepping into the dining room, not surprised at all to see his charge was absent. If past experiences were anything to go by, Cain wouldn't even be awake until late noon. It irritated Neil that his nephew didn't take more initiative to do as an Earl should. He also took into account that Cain was indeed only seventeen, and knew that he wasn't ready for the responsibility, but that didn't excuse the late nights spent at the bar and then eventually with a woman. It reminded Neil of another man. He didn't dare even think the Devil's name, especially not with the man so near. The man who Cain so much resembled...

' _Alexis.'_

His thoughts whispered the name angrily at him as if they were chastising him for fearing such a thing as a name. As Neil sat back in his chair, he shut his eyes and let his mind drift far back into his repressed past. His eyelids twitched once before he sunk deep down into the recesses of his mind.

...

"Neil, come now. You and I both know that you have to go, so stop dodging responsibility and bear it! It's almost Alexis's eleventh birthday." The blond pursed his lips at his mother's patronizingly frustrated words, not wanting to go more than almost anything in the world. He _hated_ going to Uncle's house.

"No, mother, please! Last time I went there Alexis told me he was going to kill me and watch the crows peck my eyes out." The nineteen year old frowned deeply from behind his door. "He hates me. He won't care if I'm there or not." The last time Neil had visited the Hargreaves' estate was no more than a month ago for Augusta's thirteenth birthday. Alexis had cornered him at the end of the party, claiming that he had seen Neil 'making eyes at his sister' and told him that if he ever caught him doing it again, he'd slip something into his drink and watch him suffer.

"Neil, darling, Alexis apologized and told you he was simply trying to be humorous. He didn't know how literal you are and thought you'd understand. Please come out? The carriage is leaving in just a moment." The woman stood outside of her son's door, her hands on her hips and her eyes tired. She let a small smile loose on her lips as her only son slowly opened the door to his bedroom and stepped out.

"...Alright. Fine. I'm only doing this because you asked me to." The young man sighed deeply before giving her a rare smile. He then nodded to her, straightening the lapels of his coat before climbing into the carriage.

…

Neil opened his eyes as a plate was sat in front of him, a slightly perturbed frown on his face. Turning to the maid, he replaced it with a half smile.

"Thank you, Maria," he spoke softly, nodding for her to go. The man ate silently, looking absently at the paper set in front of him. As his eyes skimmed the page, he almost choked on eggs he was eating. He dropped the fork onto his plate with a rattle, standing stiffly and stalking out of the room. Grabbing his coat, he jerked it on as he climbed into the carriage waiting outside to take him to the Hargreaves' estate later that afternoon. He crossed his arms over his chest, fuming still even as the transportation pulled to a stop outside his nephew's home. Neil pushed the front door open, trying to remain civil in front of Cain's servants, but as he ascended the stairs to his room, he couldn't push his anger down anymore.

"Cain!" He called irately as he pushed open the door to his nephew's bedroom, disregarding the tall, pale manservant behind him as Riff attempted to take his coat. He frowned at the sight of a barely robed Cain, finally allowing Riff to pull his coat off his shoulders.

"Uncle Neil? What are you doing here so early…" The Earl said softly, a look of shock and slight irritation on his face.

"The sun is already high in the sky!" Neil shot back, pulling away from Riff. "But nevermind that! Is it true, Cain?!" He took a step forward as his nephew crossed the room to his desk. "When you were involved in the murder at the Butterfly Mansion-"

"It's not so unusual for me to be involved in a murder, is it?" Cain cut him off, his careless words breezing from him as he began to dry his hair. Neil's face screwed up in anger and frustration, the man balling his fists.

"Did you see him?! Your father...Alexis?!" He shouted back, too furious to try and keep his voice down. He wasn't angry at Cain, of course, but at himself, and more than anyone, at Alexis. Taking a breath, he kept his fists balled tight and lowered his voice slightly.

"According to the police, a girl named Lukia said there was someone else involved. Someone staying in the tower...that was Alexis, wasn't it?!" He took a step closer to his nephew as he saw his shoulders raise painfully.

"...I…." Cain spoke softly before shaking his head. "There was not...anyone there!" Riff's eyes widened at his lord's words.

Neil stepped closer to him, his voice holding exasperation as well as worry as he laid a hand on his shoulder. "Cain! If Alexis is still alive, we must do something-"

" _Stop!_ " He snapped back, jerking away from his uncle's hand. Cain turned to face him, his eyes angry as he spoke sharply. " _My father is dead!_ He threw himself into the ocean in front of my eyes. He died hating me!" Cain dragged the towel off his head and shoved it at Riff before disappearing behind his changing screen.

Neil took a breath, sighing it out before rubbing his temple with his right hand and shutting his eyes. "...No matter. I've made some arrangements. It's no secret that there are many who would do harm to this family." He slowly opened his eyes and shook his head to clear it.

"Cain...I don't know what happened at Butterfly Mansion, but...if you know anything you must keep it to yourself. Especially if it is Alexis. You cannot stand up to him alone," he said gently. "You know that better than anyone." Rolling his shoulders to get the tension out of them, he leaned back against the wall. "I've always known what a wretch he is. He'll do anything to accomplish his objectives, but he never gets his own hands dirty." He brought a fist up, resting it against his forehead as his other hovered over his heart.

"...He's truly a genius, but few people realize that. Only those who've had their happiness stolen by him can truly understand…"

"Did my father steal your happiness as well?" Neil looked up as his nephew spoke, his face switching from a concentrated anger to confusion. "I don't mind if you criticize my father," the Earl went on with a smile that never reached his eyes as Riff straightened his tie, "but please don't assume you know how I feel. Or maybe it would be inconvenient for you if my father suddenly reappeared?!" He snapped as Riff took a step back. "I don't blame you. I suppose you worked hard to become Earl Hargreaves's guardian."

"Lord Cain!" Riff blinked in shock, frowning deeply. He knew that the Earl was taking things too far. He also knew he wasn't likely to stop. Neil eyed his nephew angrily as the younger male stepped toward him.

"Just how much _do_ you desire the Earldom's family name and fortune?!" He spoke poisonously, crossing his arms as he looked at his uncle.

The older male blinked, once again surprised at just how much he looked like Alexis. In the split second after the words left the Earl's mouth, Neil was reminded of a situation that happened twenty two years before.

…

Neil sat unhappily in the parlor of his uncle's home. He would never say it out loud, but he was hiding from Alexis. The thirteen year old was a menace, and Neil loathed being around him. He didn't understand why his mother still made him go to the parties held there, but there he was. The blond's eyes flicked up as Alexis sauntered into the room and perched onto the couch next to him. Neil was immensely uncomfortable, looking about as he realized they were the only ones in the room.

"I know you love my sister," the teenager spoke bluntly as he looked at his cousin. "Or at least you pretend to. But I can see through you the second I look at you." He laughed as he looked Neil up and down. "It's written in every part of you. From your cheap clothes to your stupid, vacant looking eyes. Just how much do you desire my family's fortune?"

...

Neil's eyebrows knit together a he pulled a hand back and slapped his nephew across the face with a resounding crack. He watched as the teenager worked his jaw.

"Uh...um.." A small voice cleared its voice. Neil looked up angrily.

"What is it?!" He snapped back, turning to look at the maid standing in the doorway.

"Um, someone just delivered this package for you, Lord Neil." She spoke quietly, looking at the ground. Neil's eyebrows raised in surprise as he turned fully.

"They came here to deliver it? Do you know who sent it?"

"Er…" she shrugged apologetically, "There's no name on it…"

"What could it be?" he asked to himself before nodding to her. "Go ahead, open it."

"Yes, sir." Her fingers pulled the bow off quickly before she pulled the lid off the box. Pulling the paper back, her eyes widened in terror as a terrible shriek ripped from her and she dropped the box. "It..it's a human arm?!" she cried before turning and running from the room.

Neil placed a hand over his mouth as he stepped closer, feeling sick. The hand had an ornate ring on it's fourth finger, a card tucked into its grip. "This scar…" he spoke shakily, looking at a dark spot just under the hand's pinky. "It's the same as that private investigator I hired!"

Cain's eyes widened slightly as he looked at the older man, confused. "Private investigator?" Neil put a hand on Cain's arm, trying to tug him away from the box.

"I hired him to, um, check some things out for me! Could it be that he's…?" He shook his head in disbelief. Pulling out the card, he raised his eyebrows. The Moon tarot card looked back at him, VII written over a fading sun and a virgin Mary holding Jesus. He frowned deeply, his eyebrows knitting together. "Henry the Seventh…" he murmurs under his breath. "A-Anyway, we'd better notify the police!" He nodded to the maid who had quietly returned to the room in case she was needed. She nodded back quickly.

"Right away, sir!" Neil ignored her answer, pulling back on his coat and putting his hat on top of his head. He then left without a word, climbing back into his carriage as the sun began to sink in the sky.

As he sat, he spoke softly to himself. "Alexis always had been unnecessarily cruel…" He shut his eyes then, letting his past engulf his mind again.

…

Neil had just turned seventeen. He was sitting quietly in the study, reading as his cousins played hide and seek. Augusta, eleven, was actually hiding behind his chair as Alexis looked for her. The nine year old snuck around the house, methodically checking every room before moving on. On the third floor, she eventually slipped out of her hiding spot and sat on the desk in front of her cousin.

"What're you reading, Neil?" She asked, her voice as cute as the rest of her. She swung her legs, the skirt of her dress coming down to about the middle of her calf. He glanced up at her, her dark, springy curls framing her face as she smiled at him. Her chocolate brown eyes stared back at him expectantly as he realized he'd forgotten what she asked him.

"...What?" He shook his head as she giggled at him.

"What are you reading?" Augusta smiled again.

"Dante's Inferno," he spoke back as he returned the smile.

"Which is where you're going, isn't it dear cousin?" Alexis spoke icily. Neil jumped, having not even heard him come into the room. He turned around, blinking as the younger male crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway. Alexis had a pout on his lips to hide the sheer malice in his eyes as he looked at Neil. Turning to Augusta, it melted away.

"Older sister, I thought you were playing with me!" He whined, his face pitiful.

"I am!" She slid off the desk, shaking her head before smoothing down his hair. "I only stopped for a bit to talk with Neil. It's not a big issue, is it?"

"No." He sighed dejectedly before hugging her. She indulged him briefly before smoothing out the light blue fabric of her dress and turning back to Neil.

"Will you play with us too?" She smiled brightly as she batted her eyes.

"No!" Alexis whined. "He's too old! He's not allowed!" Neil smiled slightly before shrugging.

"No thank you, Augusta. Maybe some other time." He turned back to his book as she sighed, leaving the room.

"Maybe…"

Alexis paused as she left, stepping close enough to Neil to kick him hard in the shin. He grinned as the older male dropped his book with a short exclamation.

"Don't talk to my sister anymore, understand?" He glared at his cousin before turning and stalking out of the room angrily.

…

Neil rubbed his eyes as he walked into Westminster Cathedral, prepared to face his demons for what he hoped was the final time. His eyes narrowed as he paused in the room. "So, you're still alive...Alexis. You must think me a fool to call me here with your little guessing games." He straightens his back, feeling a familiar fury bubble in his stomach.

"I guess this won't be quite the touching reunion I'd imagined. Eh, Neil?" Alexis smirked, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his coat. His glasses balanced on the bridge of his nose, his head tilted inquisitively to the left.

"The only time I see you is when someone dies." Neil fixed him with hard eyes as he stared back at him. "Like your father...your wife Lenora...and your older sister Augusta!" He clenched his teeth as he tried to calm himself, the smile that Alexis had adopted infuriating him. "Am I next, Alexis?!" He took a breath to steady himself.

"But now I have someone I need to protect, Alexis." His voice softened as he reached into his coat pocket. "I can't allow myself to be killed so easily...for the Hargreaves family, and for Cain." He spoke with a quiet determination as he pulled a gun out from his pocket and leveled it at Alexis.

"Hm...interesting." Alexis smirked as he looked at Neil through amused, half-lidded eyes. "I'd always thought that protecting your loved ones from the shadows was more your style…" Neil's head reared back as he looked at him with shock and disgust.

"What do you mean?" His eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"You think that I don't know why you're so protective of him?" He sneered at Neil, rolling his eyes. "You're not here for the Hargreaves. When you look at him, you see _her_."

"What are you talking about?!" Neil shouted back, angry and confused at the turn in the conversation.

"You were in love with Augusta! My sister!" He keeps his smirk as he looks at the changing features of Neil's face. Neil looked over at the wall as he heard a noise, his eyes widening.

"Cain?!" He watches the confusion and growing disgust cloud his nephew's face. "Wh...Why are you here?"

"Of course what you heard is true, Cain. You should feel grateful to Neil. When Augusta was pregnant with you, the family wanted you erased, gone." He turns grim, frowning slightly. "But when Neil realized what that would do to my already fragile sister, he convinced the entire family. That's the only reason you were allowed to live. Because of Neil's love for Augusta," his tone turns bitter, mocking his son. "Or, did you think that _you_ were the one who was loved? Cain." His lip curls into a sneer as he glares at his son. " _You cursed child who tried to kill his own father!_ "

Neil's face screwed up in anger as he stepped in front of Cain.

"Stop it, Alexis!" He snapped at him, his eyes hard with anger. "You have no right to talk to Cain like that! Look at this ring you used to lure me here!" He opens his palm, sneering back at the younger man. "This ring belonged to your father, Earl Hargreaves. He lost it once. It was a huge mess. Then a few days later it turned up again, just like that. You found the body of the maid who supposedly stole the ring...but, a few days after the Earl put the ring back on his finger...he collapsed and withered away. Also, the Hargreaves family has a secret knowledge of poisons that has been passed down for generations, Alexis!" He closes his fist around the ring, his back stiff. "You poisoned the ring and killed the Earl?!"

Alexis held his glare for a few moments before throwing back his head and letting out a laugh. "Was there any evidence of poison on the ring?"

"No...but you took it after the Earl died!"

"Of course, I _became_ the Earl as was my right. Anything that was his belongs to me." He smirked, raising his eyebrows. "You're imagining things, Neil. Your jealousy confuses you."

"Alexis!" He snapped back at him angrily, throwing the ring at him. "Here, I don't need this ring to help Cain become a proper Earl! Take it back!" He pulled the gun back up, sheer determination etched onto his face. Cain's eyes grew wide as he watched him.

"Uncle Neil!" Before the man could shoot, a grey blur flashed in front of Alexis, catching the ring. Moments later, a sharp blade knocked the gun from Neil's hand as the man yelled angrily. The sound of an explosion filled the room a moment later, a bright flash of light following it.

"You'll regret ever pointing a gun at me," Alexis's voice spoke softly, somewhere near Neil. He felt hands on his back, relaxing when he realized it was Cain.

"And you...my accursed son Cain. As long as you're alive, I'll destroy your world." The light slowly faded, leaving Cain and Neil alone in the cathedral.

Neil slowly stood up, rubbing his eyes and letting Cain lead him from the cathedral and on to a boat to go home. Cain looked around, trying to act like his father's words hadn't bothered him.

"The fog's coming in," he spoke softly, "Are you alright, Uncle Neil?..."

"I'm fine. That flash of light blinded me for a moment." He looked at him, rubbing his eyes. Cain offered him a brief smile.

"When we land we should call a Hansom cab to take us home."

"Are you frightened? That's not like you. The moon was so bright. Now it's all fog. Though I guess there's not much worry of being assassinated in plain view, is there?" Neil looked at his nephew expectantly. When all he got was silence, he sighed. "You're a different person when it comes to your father. I don't blame you. He raised you to be that way. Do you believe what he said? About how I look at you and see Augusta?" He linked his fingers together as he sat, watching Cain. The Earl suddenly looked up, eyes widening with curiosity.

"Zigeunerweisen? Where is it coming from?" He looked around.

"From some rooftop? Seems unlikely." Neil sat up a bit. He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "That violin is being played with amazing skill!"

"It's the song that played at my grandfather's deathbed…" Cain frowned softly.

"Hm! You have a good memory." Neil nodded, smiling slightly. "'Zigeuner' means gypsy. It's a song about those freedom loving people… Delilah is a club that was founded by that same Earl. At the time, it didn't even have a name. It was meant to be an organization that shed light on the mysteries of life through medical science. That all changed when Alexis joined the ranks." Neil frowned as he sat up a bit. "He dabbled in inhuman experiments, magic, and the occult. And before long...the organization became a secret society. Alexis began to conduct more experiments and the organization was named Delilah." As he spoke, he watched the horror spread on Cain's face. "That's the last report I received from the investigator." He held his head in a hand, closing his eyes.

"Even his stepchild is thought to be among the ranks...so Mary wasn't his only stepchild…" Cain looked down, nodding.

"Yes...I know…"

"They're supposedly involved in many crimes, but even the police can't track them down. But...if Alexis is controlling things from the shadows, they must be plotting something terrible!" He said as he stared at the deck. Slowly looking up at Cain, he sighed softly. "Cain...I...did love my cousin Augusta. But I never once saw an image of her in you. That wasn't why...It was just that...when you were born...you never cried. Then I saw the life within those shining eyes of yours...and almost on a whim, I reached out to touch you." He smiled slightly as he spoke.

Cain turned to look at him, slightly shocked. "That was all…"

"Yes...I just wanted to hold that little hand of yours...nothing more." He rested his chin on his hand as he sat hunched over, closing his eyes. He straightened as he felt Cain lay a hand on his shoulder, surprised as his nephew kneeled down to hug him. "Cain.." He said softly, hugging him back. Neil blinked as he felt Cain move suddenly, the question rising to his lips cut off with a short gasp as a crossbolt buried itself in his back. The man fell to the deck then, not aware of his nephew screaming his name repeatedly as he hugged his motionless body to his chest. Neil had already sunken into the deepest corners of his mind.

…

A twenty five year old Neil stood next to a rather ornate cradle, his jacket folded over one arm while his other hand rested against the side of the tiny bed. He peered down into it, struck silent by the rather sad face looking back up at him. His mustache twitched as he swallowed, hoping the child wouldn't cry. If he did, Neil honestly didn't know what he would do. He was terrible with children. His eyebrows raised worriedly, his eyes widening as the baby's face scrunched up. He let out a soft sigh of relief as it laughed at him instead. As he came to think of it, the child never cried. Staring down at him, Neil's eyes caught the tiny baby's. He smiled warmly, reaching out to touch him gently. His eyes widened once more as tiny fingers on an equally miniscule hand grabbed on to his pointer finger, the blond surprised at the strength of his grip. He smiled broadly them, giving his hand a little shake.

"It's nice to meet you, Cain. You can call me Uncle Neil." He spoke softly, watching as the child fell back asleep.

…

As Neil opened his eyes, he smiled to find his nephew leaning over him. He reached a hand up to touch his face, resting it on his cheek and ignoring the pain in his back. "I'm just glad you're safe...don't do anything rash like that ever again."

Cain nodded, laying his hand over his uncle's. "I won't." As he stood up and left, Neil watched him with a smile. He shut his eyes as the door closed, breathing out a soft sigh as a wave of peace washed over him.

"Good bye, Cain. I'll be waiting here for you when you come home again." He murmured to himself, a smile on his face as he fell asleep.


End file.
